The Monsters

Alga Monster Bruce, Ella and Daygo. Meet the 3 monsters that live under Isaac's bed. Apparently Alga is the only one deserving of a full name. They are all nice monsters although Alga is the "nicest monster in the whole world." I asked him if Sully from Monsters Inc was under his bed too and he said with a condescending look, "No Mom, Sully is from my movie." Silly me. Apparently monsters live in cliques too.

Blessed

I cannot believe it is nearly Thanksgiving! On the same token, I can't wait for Christmas! Why is it Turkey Day creeps up on us out of nowhere but Christmas can seem like forever? Life is good in the Bruce household, challenging at times with the Ice Man, but rewarding and fun nonetheless. Meltdown city took root in our household for about 2 weeks -- one after another until they were coming nearly every day. Our pediatrician gave me some encouragement, some advice and things have improved. Although I am not sure why....partly me being more confident and patient perhaps...or Isaac slowly moving out of this not so fun phase. Last night while organizing photos I came across a video of Isaac talking to my belly that moved me to tears. I cannot believe we were sitting on the same couch 4 months ago, Elyse still in my belly, Isaac an only child. He's such a sweet boy and we are so incredibly blessed to have two healthy kids that make us laugh (and cry on occasion :) take the good with the bad, right?) Here are some pics of some recent adventures.

Ten Tips

While doing some research today I came across a great article (in my opinion) on Raising Kids Who Care. I have found "Psychology Today" online to be a terrific resource for information on a ton of topics. Here are the 10 Tips I read about:

April 15, 2009, Child Development

Ten Tips for Raising Kids Who Care

How to raise kind children.

Almost all parents want their children to be good people and to be happy. But many parents today are intensely focused on their children's happiness and self-esteem and many parents, research indicates, believe that happiness and self-esteem are a foundation for morality, that "feeling good" will lead to "doing good." Yet self-esteem does not lead to caring and responsibility for others-- greedy corporate executives and gang leaders can have high self-esteem.Here are some tips both for shifting the balance from a "self-esteem and happiness focused" parenting approach toward caring and responsibility as well as for developing key social and emotional capacities in children that are a foundation for both morality and a lasting well-being.

1. Instead of telling your children, "The most important thing is that you are happy," tell them, "The most important thing is that you are kind, and that you are responsible for others."

2. Help your children appreciate others. For instance:
* Don't let them treat a store clerk, waitress, or babysitters as if invisible.* Don't let your child quit a sports team or school chorus without thinking carefully with them about what it means for the group.* Don't let your child simply write off friends he or she finds annoying, or fail to return phone calls from friends or to give other children credit for their achievements.* Expect your child to help around the house, and to be helpful to neighbors.

3. Expect your children to appreciate you-their relationship with you will be a primary model for their other relationships. That doesn't mean making yourself the focus. It means not allowing your children to treat you as a doormat, and expecting them to express some modicum of interest about major events in your life and to thank you for your generosity.

4. Don't focus directly and narrowly on developing your child's happiness and self-esteem. Instead, support your child's developing maturity. Maturity, including the ability to manage destructive feelings, to balance and coordinate our needs with others, to empathize, to receive feedback constructively, to be reflective, and to adjust our behavior, is at the heart of both morality and lasting well-being.

5. While it's important to help children understand and articulate their feelings, be wary of pointing out children's feelings too frequently or drawing a lot of attention to passing emotional states. Doing these things can cause children to dramatize their feelings, and to make their own feelings too precious.

6. Praise your children for specific accomplishments and occasionally tell them how great they are. But avoid constant praising. When children are praised all the time, they can feel judged all the time. Children may feel patronized by unearned praise. And too much global praise-constantly saying "You're terrific"-can make children feel that their essential value is on the line in everything they do, causing them to inflate their importance, taking either too much credit or too much blame.

7. Don't make high achievement the goal of a life. Too much achievement pressure can diminish children's sense of self, make them less able to care for others, and more likely to experience others primarily as competitors and threats. Make achievement one theme in the large composition of a life. Sort out your own feelings about achievement and status so you don't send mixed messages or appear hypocritical to children, undermining your authority.

8. Help your child register kindness and unkindness, justice and injustice in the world. Listen carefully, without quickly judging, to your child's moral questions and dilemmas. Express your own values, and connect them to your child's experiences and interpretations.

9. Don't seek to be your child's friend. You can be very close to your child in many ways, but it's vital that children experience you as an authority, that they idealize you at certain points in their development and see you as someone they want to emulate. Children come to appreciate others as independent and distinct when we appreciate them as distinct.

10. Invite people you are close to and respect to give you feedback about your parenting. When your first child is born, develop a contract with at least two other parents, a promise that they will tell you if they think you are harming your child's moral or emotional development in any way.

Richard Weissbourd is a lecturer in education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and the author of The Parents We Mean To Be, How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development

s-c-a-r-y

As in real scary, not just Halloween scary. This is why I won't schedule home repairs/estimates without Jason home. Not that he can protect us from every predator out there, but we can both be home and have our "creep" radar on. This story makes my skin crawl:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2010142028_nicole27m.html

Adventures in '09

This picture is from Bo's first birthday which was on 10/9. I can hardly believe the cutie pie is already two. It was a wonderful, wonderful time. A delicious lasagna dinner, cocktails, opening presents and yummy cake. Does life get any sweeter? Oh...and I am sure if Isaac were with me here telling this story he would want me to mention the ultra cool monster truck the Martins had at his place setting. :) So kind and thoughtful.

There are now 3 grandkids on my side of the family within one year of each other. Bo is 1, Elyse is 3 mos. and Lilly is just over one month old. We are an incredibly blessed family.

The remembrance walk I mentioned in my last post was touching and far exceeded my expectations. Pain and loss are universal and it was humbling to come together with parents who have lost children 14 years ago, 5 years ago, 3 months ago and are currently going through their devastating loss. One of the most personally touching stories for me was that of a family who had a 1 year old boy with them. They were there to remember his twin, who died shortly after he was born. What a journey -- to be blessed with a beautiful baby boy and enjoy him everyday, yet everyday be reminded of what might of been -- in a son they'll never get to watch grow up. Another couple was there remembering three babies lost in separate pregnancies...and the son they had alive for 4 precious months. Why, why, why. There are not enough tears in the world for these tender people. What meant the most to me about this day was the gray cold of the day, and as we formed a circle and told our stories, the clouds parted above Bellingham Bay and ellicited the most brilliant ray of sunshine. RIGHT on our group. Not to the left. Not to the right. DIRECTLY on this small group of grieving parents and grandparents. It was a day very well spent, in the company of strangers bonded by grief, and in the company of my dear sister in law Michelle, who I continue to love more and more.

Isaac is good these days, loving preschool and his new house. It makes my heart smile when he asks if we can stay home and play. He is a mover and a shaker like his mama but has grown to really love his nice big bedroom and playroom. It is wonderful to have a space that is his and to be able to really spread out and play on the floor. He is coming home from school and playdates with great stories. The other day I picked him up from preschool and his ballcap was on backward. I flipped it around as I helped him get buckled into his carseat and he told me, "Mama the teacher had me take it off for America." It took me a minute, then I realized, "yes the Pledge of Allegiance." Teachers are such angels. They teach our children so much beyond numbers and letters. They really help shape our little people in incredible ways. He is still head over heels with his sister. Kissing and hugging her constantly. She is lighting up the moment she hears his voice in the morning (she and I are usually up about a half hour before he can get up at 7 or so) Elyse is as sweet as ever. I love, love, love newborns. I really do. This 3 month stage is incredible, the smiles, the coos, the ability to fall asleep in the nook of a warm arm, (her not me :) I just adore it. While I love and appreciate every single hand-me-down people have given us, I must admit I get a little sad when I see that the 3-6 mo clothes are already fitting her. What? We just brought her home from the hospital. Wait a minute, those first 4-6 weeks were t-o-u-g-h....nevermind. We are just trying to love on her as much as we can as she goes through these baby stages.

As I think about how much we love to give her hugs and kisses I think of the necessary evil of the season: FLU. And this year...the looming threat of h1n1. Jas and Isaac and I are all vaccinated for the seasonal flu and just today Jason and I were able to get the h1n1 vaccine at a local pharmacy....but Isaac must wait for his pediatrician's office to get the h1n1 vaccine toward the end of the month. We are praying that neither he or Elyse get it before everyone is vaccinated. Elyse of course, can't get any flu related vaccine til January...when she is 6 months old. Cheers to good health and well being. Praying our friends and family are able to steer clear as well.

Remembrance Walk

Remembrance Walk and Ceremony for Pregnancy and Infant Loss – Bellingham

A Remembrance Walk and Ceremony
for Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Acknowledging, honoring, remembering…

Event Details:

Bellingham, WA: Anyone who has lost a baby during pregnancy, at birth, or within the first year of life, or are friends, family, or care providers of someone who has, is invited to participate in a Remembrance Walk and Ceremony on Sunday, October 11th from 4:30 – 7:30pm at the Fairhaven Village Green. Registration begins the day of the event at 3:45 pm. The event will include a memorial walk to the Taylor Dock and a ceremonial scattering of rose petals on the bay. There will be music, poetry, bereaved parent support information, luminarios, an introduction to Mending Babyloss, plus participants will have an opportunity for a meditative labyrinth walk at the Fairhaven Village Green.

Suggested donation is $10 per individual or $15 per couple.

The event is co-sponsored by Mending Babyloss and Laughing Flower Labyrinth Co.

Mending Babyloss is a newly-established bereavement support group for parents who have lost a baby during pregnancy, at birth, or within the first year of life, and is facilitated by trained volunteers in Bellingham, WA. This is our first walk, and will be the launching fundraiser. Donations will provide books and other resources to grieving parents. Support group facilitators are Christine Gibbs, Licensed Midwife, RN, of the Bellingham Birth Center, Mary Hanson Adler, social worker, and Mary Burgess, MA, CD(DONA), perinatal mentor, childbirth educator, doula, and author of Mending Invisible Wings – a healing journal for mothers who have lost a baby.

Myra Smith, Certified Labyrinth Facilitator, of Labyrinth Artist of Laughing Flower Labyrinth and Landscaping Co. will be creating a special, healing labyrinth walk for this event.

What to bring: Participants should bring themselves and an open heart. Also, please bring a special bead representing your baby, which will be added to our birth loss necklace. This Remembrance Walk and Ceremony will take place rain or shine, so please wear weather appropriate clothing and comfortable walking shoes.

Registration for the Walk will be from 3:45-4:30pm.

For more information, please contact Mary Burgess: maryburgess555@gmail.com
(360) 734-4342

Schedule of Events:

• Gathering, Support Information, Activities
• Opening and Welcome (Jillian Froebe)
• Mending Babyloss (Christine Gibbs)
• Poetry and Introductions (Mary Burgess)
• Remembrance Walk (Mary Hanson Adler)
• Luminarios on the Village Green
• Sharing (Jillian Froebe and Christine Gibbs)
• Labyrinth Walk (Myra Smith)

*****************
What a worthwhile cause.
I am planning to attend this remembrance walk with my wonderful sister in law Michelle this coming Sunday. Let me know if you would like to come with us or if you'd like me to bring a bead or beads to honor your lost babies. I would love to help any way I can.

Mama Swap

Great idea for mamas who prefer to shop online -- mamaswap.com
I, as my hubby will attest, LOVE to browse consignment stores but very cool idea!